Family wonders why deputies didn't arrest allegedly violent man

http://www.gjsentinel.com/news/content/news/stories/2009/11/02/110309_3a_Swat_folo.html

"More Than Cats Love Milk" or "Big Truck, Large Wheels"

As of June 18th, we will have been married for 15 years. We have 4 natural birth children, 1 in the process of adoption, and 3 foster children (I had add one since I started writing). Annie and I met in 1993 in a time when both of us were living much different lives. Annie had her challenges probably since early childhood, and continued them into her teenage years. She moved out of her parents home at the age of 16, and has been supporting herself from that point on. When we met, I was working for a construction company in Aspen, and my main goal was on serving my on needs, looking for a paycheck at the end of the week, and how much fun I could have on the weekend. Annie happened to be a party to one of many of the parties that we had at the "Brown Palace". The "Brown Palace" was a dive of an apartment that I lived in with three other self-seekers. Unfortunately Annie was not there on my behalf, but somehow we ended up spending a substantial amount of time together. From that point on we had our ups and downs, most of the downs were due to my own stupidity, but regardless we decided to get married. We gave everyone about a weeks notice, and have now been married for 15 years. I think several people lost some bets on how long we were going to last.

One event that I need to share that cemented my love for Annie, and subsequently my commiment to her, was when she took my dog "Zues" to he pound to be put to sleep. I had raised him from a handful of fur to a 120lb companion. Together we were making our way through life's ups and downs, and I was devestated after the police had taken him into custody, and said that he needed to be put to sleep. I don't know if I asked her to do it, or if she did it on her own accord, but the fact that she faced what I couldn't, in my place solidified a place in my heart forever.

Just under being married 1 year, Annie got pregnant, and we were waiting for our lives to change. Little did we know how much of a challenge the next year would be. In Dec of 1995, Annie went into the doctor to do a check up and see how the baby was doing. The Doctor said that there was something wrong, and that her blood pressure was too high. He sent us to the hospital across the street in Glenwood, and they diagnosed here with pre-eclampsia. Pre-eclampsia is basically a condition where the body is rejecting the fetus, like it would reject an organ transplant. They decided to fly her to Denver on flight for life, and told me that there was a high possibility that one or both of them could die. I got in the car and got to Denver about an hour after she had arrived. We spent the next couple of weeks trying to maintain the pregnancy to allow the baby to develop a little more. It finally got to the point that they had to do an emergency C-Section. Austin was born on Dec. 30, 1995. He was 4lbs 6oz. when he was born, and his weight dropped after that. Annie and Austin spent 2-3 more weeks in Denver, before we told them that they had to transfer them to Glenwood. Once in Glenwood, things started going better, and they went to stay with her mom in Glenwood, due to the fact that the altitude that we lived at did not have enough oxygen to support Austins needs. He came home a couple of weeks after that. Austin will be turning 14 this December, and has had no major problems since then.

We continued our lives, built our family and I slowly built up a career in electrical. Our next child was born on July 19th, 1998 in Aspen, Molly. Consecutively we had Jack on June 26th, 2000, and Emma on Feb 19th, 2002. We have been blessed, were able to buy a home in Silt, and then built a home in Silt.

We spent several years volunteering at the church in children's ministry. We were actually asked to take care of the children's ministry, it was not something that we saw ourselves doing. After spending some time in this arena, we both realized that helping children was where our hearts were. Some people may consider children's ministry as basically babysitting. We discovered this to be far from the truth. We spent a lot time with some of the kids that came there. When you ask a child what they need prayer for, you expect an answer like "I scrapped my knee, or my dog ran away." We did on a regular basis receive these type of prayer requests, but would also on occasion receive something like "my daddy hasn't come home yet", or "my brother is sick, and has to have his head cut open.". I realized that the circumstances of life, come at us all regardless of age. The difference with children, is that they don't know, or haven't been told that this is not the way things are supposed to be.

As I worked beside my wife, and watched her compassion, I realized that this is what we were made to do. We complement each other, she will be strong when I am weak, level-headed when I am irrational and compassionate when I am grief-stricken.

About three years ago may brother passed away from a sudden pulmonary embolism. It was my wife that came to my office and told me what had happened. It was my wife that dropped everything to make sure that I was able to go where I needed to go, and do what I needed to do. It was my wife that took care of the house, and family while I was mending a broken heart or two, or three. It is my wife that still understands that damage like that to your life heals, but will always leave a scar as a daily reminder of what happened. I only hope that I can be half the person she was, when she needs me.

We have moved away from children's ministry, and stepped into the world of foster care. We received our certification about 2 and half years ago, and have been helping children through circumstances that most adults could not even imagine themselves dealing with. This is the most challenging work that I have ever done. This work will test your mettle, bring out the worst in you, and demand the best of you. What gets me past my own self-centered behavior is stopping, looking at the child that I am dealing with, and realizing that his actions, attitude and physical demeanor is rooted is a short life of self defense. Many times, these children have been taught that they cannot trust adults. Their behavior is contrived to keeps these untrustworthy adults away, or to move "through" them on to the next. It is not the yelling, force fullness, strict discipline that changes children, this only re-enforces their mistrust of adults. It is compassion, and unbiased love, regardless of the behavior, that changes the lives of these children. The logic and compassion that Annie has is a constant inspiration to me. Everyday that goes by, and everyday that will come, reveals another facet of who she is, why I married her, and the reasons that I will always love her.

Today is a Good Day

Today was the second to last court hearing for Andrew. Today was a good day. We are being represented by the Rocky Mountain Children's Law Center, pro-bono. They have been fantastic. I believe that they have made a substantial difference. They have helped us to bring in highly qualified "experts" to speak to the lunacy of this case. It seems as though anyone that gets wind of this case, and how things have proceeded, they want to do everything that they can to help us. I know that we have favor. We are now providing the judge with the credible expertise that he needs to make the right decision. I believe that his opinion is favorable to our case, but he needs the outside evidence to make an unbiased, undeniable decision. To the other side, things seem to be falling apart. We will have another review hearing in July, and the Termination hearing is in August. Keep praying for us. I cannot even imagine Andrew not being a part of our family. It would be like another death to me.

Firepower Forward: 9 Lines

Firepower Forward: 9 Lines

The Roller Coaster

I learned a lesson a few years ago. Never make you wife ride a roller coaster. We were on a trip to Elitches, and I told her that she had to ride the roller coaster. She said no way, I said it wasn't that bad. She listened to me, and come to think of it, there may be some root cause as to why she doesn't always believe me. Anyway, we got on the roller coaster, and started to head up the hill. This was not the old fashioned sit your but in the chair, and hold on for dear life, there was no chair. You were strapped in, and hanging from the shoulder thing, while your feet dangled. As we got closer to the top of the hill, I could see the panic rising up in Annie's face. By the time we got to the top, I think she was in a full blown panic attack. At one point, there was a camera that took a picture to show you how much "fun" you were having. I don't have the picture any more, but if I did, I would post it so that you all would know what "scared to death" looks like. Needless to say, she was not happy with me, and as I said before, I will never make her ride another rollercoaster again.



Well here we are again, headed up the hill, although, I think that the roles are reversed. It is me that is in a place that I never wanted to be, and never want to go to again. We kid each other, and say that we are only on the little kids emotional roller coaster, but the reality is that we are definitely on one of the scariest emotional roller coasters that I have ever experienced. If you don't know, I am talking about our experiences with Andrew. One week, it looks as if he is going home, and the next we are talking about adoption. When my brother died, I was suddenly thrown into the roller coaster, and just had to ride it out. It was too late to worry about what happened, or what was going to happen, you just had to ride it out until things got back to a place that was normal again.



This is an entirely different scenerio, I feel like Annie must have felt, with the panic rising up inside of me, almost sure of certain death. We have a court date in a little over a week, and we are fairly certain that a decesion is going to be made, one way or the other. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I had pretty much resolved myself to the fact that Andrew was probably going back to his biological mother. Today is a different story. We have some people that have become interested in the case. These are expereienced attornies, that don't usually get involved in cases that don't have a favorable outcome. Good news, right. Well the problem is that now I realize that what my heart really wants is a real possibliity. The problem with that is the what if. This has to be what if feels like when the doctor has told you that your cancer has gone into remission...what if.



I tend to hold things inside until there is not more room, like dry ice in a pop bottle. Well here it comes...I haven't completely lost it yet, but please support us in your prayers. My mind does not want to believe what my heart is do desperatly hoping for. I need some encouragement, and have resolved myself to "believe until I see" the hope of my heart. Please, please if you are with us, stand with us, if not I don't want to hear it.

Andrew

Andrew came into our house some 10 1/2 months ago. When he arrived, he was only a few days old, but was fighting an uphill battle. His mother had been using cocaine during his pregnancy, and when he was born the first thing that he had to do was break the addiction that was given to him. The first couple of months were very hard, we were at the time new to the foster care system, and just wanted to do our part. We have made some guidelines about the type of children that we will take, and do our best to stick to those. Andrew fit the bill, and we felt that we could give him a stable and inviting environment to help bring him back to reality. Babies are "our specialty", not by experience, but rather by passion.

These first months were difficult, Andrew's schedule was reversed. He would sleep during the day, and would be up at night. Understand me when I say that he would be up at night, I know that infants are up every two hours, but in between the two hour feedings, he would cry. It was not the type of cry that you would expect to here from a baby. This was a cry that bored into the very depths of your being, because you knew that you could not give him what he was wanting. Andrew was addicted, and it took several months before he was moving in the right direction.

In the past 11 months, Andrew has adapted to our family, as well as our family has adapted to him. He is part of our family. He knows us by name, and recognizes our faces, and hears our voices. Andrew has transformed in the 11 months that he has been here, but now he faces another challenge. I am not sure if the challenge is his or ours.

Without divulging to much information, the people that are "responsible" for him have prejudicedly decided that Andrew needs to go home. This is where I have to guard myself. My job is to take care of him, to look out for his best interest, to be his father, in place of the father that is not there.

The workers on the case are supposed to also look out for the best interest of Andrew, to determine the path of his life. Based on their evaluations of the paternal family, and their progress to resolve the issues that caused Andrews removal, it is their job to determine this path.

This is where my conflict lies. My opinion, and the caseworkers opinions do not match. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, what my capability is to take care of Andrew, and to make sure that he is following the right path. What I do not know is His mothers capability. If I had to measure that based on the actions, and interactions, I would have to say that there is a serious concern, as to whether Andrews mother is capable of looking out for his best interest. Why the department feels that his return home, after the positive drug tests, missed visits, disappearance for 3 months, and a referral based on here unsafe home, is beyond me. There is so much low-level political crap, and people afraid of losing their jobs because they are not doing theirs, that their interest is not in Andrews success at all. They are only looking to cover their own asses.

I now am the caregiver of a foster child that has grown up with us. He went through withdrawals with us, rolled over, made silly faces, started to crawl, is learning sign language, and is well on his way to walking. I am now being told that the best thing for him is to remove him from the home that he has lived in for almost 1 year, and give him back to a mother that has not proved herself or, her environment, and has had minimal contact with him.

I truly believe that if Andrew goes home, he will end up back in foster care, and will be worse off for the experience. The bond that he has created with each one of my children, my wife and myself will be shattered. He will be placed in an environment that he does not know, with people that he does not know, that have not proved to anyone that they do not have a drug problem, and have no way to support him.

It is not a matter of if he will end up back in the system, it is a matter of when.

Tell me, what to do. Tell me what to say. Tell me how to explain to my children that the State has decided that the best thing for their "baby brother" is to be taken from our home. Tell me how I am going to physically let go of my son..

Your life is the occassion, rise to it.

"Your life is the occassion, rise to it."

I watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Empouriom yesterday, and this is a line that struck me. I was watching this movie because it helps me cope with the loss of my brother 1 year ago. It is a story of life, fun and friends, but it is also a story of death, loss, and struggle.Mahony finds herself in a place of decision, but "just can't" do what everyone wants her to, because of her grief and lack of self-confidence. Mr. Magorioum said this line to Mahony knowing that she would be in this place. I find myself in this place, and feel as if it is too hard to do what everyone is expecting, and knows I can do.

"Rising to the occassion"

If your life is the occassion, what does it mean to rise to it for you? For me, it means taking care of my wife and her needs. Raising my children with an understanding of faith, hope and love. Faith in a God that you can't see, a confident hope of sucess in this world, and love from a family that will never end. It means being there for your parents as they grow older. It means being there for your brother's widow no matter what the need is. It means doing something in this world that is going to make a difference. It means taking in children into our home that have been pushed aside, abused, treated as objects or just not wanted. It means accepting these children for who they are, and not judging them based on my life experiences, but learning who they are because of their life experiences.

It means living your life with an understanding of what's important and what's not, what's right and what's wrong.
I will never stop grieving the loss of my brother, but I will turn the page, and I will begin a new chapter. This chapter started a year ago with Bobbie (1yr) who is back with his own family that loves and cares for him. It continued with Scarlett (1yr) who is with a new family that loves and cares for her, and still being written with Andrew (7mos) who is with us who love and care for him.